The Hard Truths I've Learned About Grief
From someone who is still walking through it
Over the past 18 months, I have experienced more loss than I ever imagined I would face in such a short time.
I lost my mom.
My father-in-law.
My brother.
And my sister-in-law's mom.
Each one shook me in its own way.
Each one left an empty space that no words can quite fill.
Grief is personal.
It is messy.
It is different every time.
And if you are walking through it or have walked through it, I want to share a few truths I have come to know deeply, not just professionally but personally.
This blog post is not just a theory; it is a practical application. It is a lived experience.
And yes, I have also had to reach out for support.
I have sat with someone and spoken the words out loud.
Even though I am a counsellor myself, I believe in the power of being supported, too.
We are not meant to carry it all alone.
Here are three truths I wish someone had said to me earlier:
1. Time doesn't heal. It just changes the way you carry the weight.
People mean well when they say "time heals," but the reality is different.
Time doesn't erase grief. It simply softens some edges and makes the weight a little easier to bear as the days pass.
You don't get over grief.
You learn to live with it, not past it.
The love stays.
The ache changes.
The memories grow even more sacred.
But the one that hit me the hardest?
The grief didn't ease — it deepened.
Because in the beginning, you are just surviving.
Numb. Disoriented. Focused on the next step, the next breath.
But as time passes, you begin to live the loss.
You realise what life is like without them.
You feel the silence at the dinner table.
You notice the moments they should have been part of.
You begin to understand what you have truly lost, the memories you will never get to make, the presence that will never return.
It is not just the absence.
It is the slow unfolding of a new reality you never asked for.
2. Everyone grieves differently.
Grief is not one-size-fits-all.
No two people will grieve the same loss in the same way.
Even when you are grieving alongside your family, your experience is still uniquely yours.
There may be stages of grief, but they do not show up in a tidy order.
You may skip some.
Loop back.
Get stuck.
Move forward.
Then, you feel like you have gone backwards.
Tears, anger, silence, forgetfulness, laughter, numbness — all of it is part of grief.
There is no right way to do this.
There is just your way.
And it is okay.
3. Grief is lonely, even when you are not alone.
This one hit hard, too.
You can be surrounded by love and still feel alone in your grief.
Not because people do not care, but because no one else is grieving your version of the loss.
Your memories.
Your relationship.
Your story.
And that kind of loneliness can feel unbearable at times.
That is why I reached out and spoke to someone.
Not because I didn't know the process, but because knowing doesn't remove the pain.
And because having someone hold space for your grief without trying to fix it is one of the most healing things we can experience.
Counselling didn't make the grief disappear.
But it helped me carry it differently and reminded me I didn't have to carry it alone.
If you are in a season of grief right now, please know this:
You are not weak if you continue to struggle.
You are not broken if you feel lost.
And you don't have to pretend you're okay.
There is no shame in reaching out.
It does not mean you are failing - it means you are human.
And sometimes, being human means letting someone sit with you in the dark until the light starts to return.
🖤
Mandy
Comments ()